01: Happiness
hap·pi·ness
/ˈhapēnəs/
noun
noun: happiness
1. the state of being content.
Today is Friday November 3, 2023. It is 11:17am. 40 degrees, clear skies.
The scenery around me is an interesting one. Cookie cutter two- story siding, plagued homes populate my horizon. I sit here on the porch in a rocking chair listening to Maverick City’s new album. My 2014 Lenova ThinkPad laptop with depleted battery sits on my lap. I internally question the year of 2014 and the choice to buy a $1,500 laptop whose battery fried after 18 months. The year I chose to make a commitment to architecture by pursuing my M.Arch degree at Louisiana State University (LSU). In those two years, my existence reeked of stress, self doubt, and perseverance. But I did it ya’ll….auctioned off my peace for $36,000 USD. In return, I was awarded with a diploma, lavender stole, black gown and hat, and a $45,000 job offer in Dallas, while owing 80% of my first year salary to the US Department of Education. Those 6 years of school, two degrees, and 6 months of professional internships really paid off.
Sitting in a six o’clock parking lot known as Interstate 75 in my 08′ Ford Mustang, I called my mom and asked “How did you do it?” My “how” was further elaborated into a tirade of questions-How are you still in an industry you don’t love for 40+ years? How did you manage working a full time job, while also being a wife and mother of 3 kids? How did you make time to cook and still have a life? How…How…How? My mother chuckled and said “you just figure it out…you’ll get used to it.” Those words still haunt me. 7.5 years later I did not figure it out, and I didn’t get used to it. In that moment, 25 year old Alexis knew this wasn’t the career for her.
In my 7.5 year journey in Architecture, I had 3 title changes, 4 salary increases, finished my required professional hours, and passed 2/6 exams on the path to licensure. I battled with the source of my drive to become a licensed Architect. I tricked myself into believing I did it for me. Why wouldn’t I? I aspired to be an Architect since elementary school, sneaking into my mom’s office to borrow a sheet of grid paper to draft my dream home. It’s always been architecture or bust for me. And right now, I am experiencing the bust. I struggled with my exams, failing 3 tests, and passing 2, finally deciding this path wasn’t for me. I was studying for everyone but Alexis. The weight of my employers pushing me, minority pressure to add to the 2% of underrepresented black licensed architects, and the fear that I failed family and friends turned into deep anxiety. After my first exam fail, my confidence was stripped, taking over a year to find the strength to reschedule my exam. These feelings weren’t normal for me-being caged by fear and disappointment. I sought therapy to combat the anxiety and occasional panic attacks. With help, I was able to break down the source of my anxiety that was steeped in other’s approval and my own feelings on the concept of quitting. I learned that Alexis had to make decisions for herself and that choosing another path isn’t quitting. It’s choosing to be happy. I wanted to be happy. I didn’t quit architecture, I chose happiness. I didn’t want to figure out how to fake happiness in a career that didn’t suite me. I never want to get used to settling.
Before choosing happiness, I decided to give architecture on more try. I left my job of 6 years and transitioned to a different architecture firm. It was here that I experienced the worst professional experience over the next year, deciding this would be the end of my journey. I took a leap of faith, quit my job, and moved back home while I figured out next steps.
02: Trust
trust
/trəst/
noun
noun: trust
1. firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something
Trust is a concept I did not fully grasp until late this summer. Leveraging 2 degrees and nearly 8 years of professional design experience, finding a job in 2 months felt doable. Home is just a pit stop. But here we are, 6 months later with no job, lost confidence, no money, strained faith, and a lot of anger. During this time, I’ve explored the idea of different types of design roles that aren’t in the traditional realm of architecture. Since moving back home, I’ve learned new programs and skills, created online portfolio, and enrolled in a certification program and passed exam.
This journey is one filled with highs and lows, but mainly a lot of lows. The valley isn’t a fun place to be in, but sometimes necessary. There are days I don’t want to look for jobs. Days I barley leave my room upstairs or even the house. There are days I don’t even want human interaction, because I have nothing to give from my depleted tank. I have built an identity on being the independent and witty Alexis. But who is unemployed and purpose lost Alexis? She’s not someone I’m proud to be, but I am giving myself grace in this season, knowing I won’t always be in the valley. My tent is here, but I’m not building a home here.
I have financial security in this season which is a blessing. My mother opened her home to me rent free as all 3 of her grown kids are home in this transition season, discovering next steps. During my 7 year stint in Dallas, I was financially savvy and had a hefty savings before moving home. We all know savings is for a rainy day, but I didn’t expect it to be raining for 6 months and counting. It hurts to steadily deplete my savings that I worked so hard to build.
For some, financial security is the toughest obstacle to overcome during unemployment, but for me, it has been my emotional health. I feel more alone than I’ve ever been. Quality time and Acts of Service have always been my two highest love languages, with Gifts being last. Now of course in this season, every monetary transfer from friends and family definitely has been needed and well appreciated, but gifts lack the emotional support I need right now. And if I’m being honest, I don’t know what all I need from those closest to me, but I know I feel alone. To the friends and family who call me just because, answer my facetime calls during your work hours, listen to me vent via text, and give unbiased feedback to move forward-you don’t know how much that means to me. Especially the friends who are also going through tough seasons and still show up for me across state lines. I hate that we’re experiencing this season, but I am so happy for the hope I see once we get to the other side of this hump.
03: Faith
faith
/fāTH/
noun
noun: faith
1. complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
To God. Buddy. I don’t know what you have planned for this season, but somehow you are showing me that I am stronger than I thought I was. There’s not enough elastic to describe the stretch of faith you have imposed on me. Feelings vacillate between being thankful and pissed with you. Somewhere deep down, I know the job rejections I receive have your DNA all on it. It’s for a reason, and the job that I desire won’t come with uncertainty and pain. My plans have been demolished and I am truly relying on you. Truth is, I don’t like it, you’re taking too long, and every single area of my life is absolutely garbage right now. I have been stripped of all independence and joy, constantly asking myself where are you in all of this. How can you allow so many bad things to happen and not intervene? I don’t see hope right now. I am simply banking on your character and past deeds to get me through this season, knowing that even though I feel abandoned, you’re still here. Even though I can’t trace you, I can trust you. Even though I don’t know your plans, doesn’t mean you aren’t planning. Even though today sucks, tomorrow is a new day for you to show up. I didn’t think this is where life would have me at 32, but I’m learning to have faith that I am right where I am supposed to be.
04: Cost
Cost
noun
\ ˈkȯst \
1. the amount or equivalent paid or charged for something.
Due to years of being financially responsible and budgeting, I’ve never lived paycheck to paycheck. I’ve always lived below my means. But in this season of unemployment, I am definitely side eyeing these prices. If folks thought I was frugal before, y’all ain’t ready for me when I do get a job again. One of my best friends laughed this morning as I complained that the undies I was buying at target cost $18. I was met with who buys packaged undies? Apparently a lot of people, because half of them were gone at Target! Also the sigh of relief I had filling my tank for $30 at $2.99/gallon. I’ve never been one who would shop for gas prices because one station was 5 cents cheaper. Now look at me. I’m a few months away from looking for coupons. Let’s pray it doesn’t get that far…
In the midst of this tough season, I have experienced a great financial win! As of August 31,2023 I am officially student loan debt free. Surely by no help of “we did it joe,” but I did it the old fashioned way.
In 7 years, I have paid off $46,203.22 back to the US Department of Education with $10,351.22 of that being the predatory interest. This has been a massive weight lifted. Here’s a few tips below if you want to be debt free on a single income like me:
- First 3 years of living in Dallas, I took no personal vacations, only traveling home for Holidays.
- Kept an older used car with (80-115k miles on average) for the first 5 years of my professional career.
- Lived below my means when choosing apartments.
- Tithed 10% of my gross salary to the church.
- Advocated for myself at work. Over the course of 7 years I had 4 salary increases.
- Took advantage of the 3 years of no interest during COIVD forbearance to continue to save before interest came back.
- Save. Save. Save. Contributed roughly 3% to 401k, 3% to personal savings, 1-1.5% to 3rd party savings apps for vacations, and another 1% to personal stocks. On average I received a 30% end of the year bonus for 6 of those 7 years in Dallas. I mainly saved these bonuses for personal emergencies, Christmas shopping, and savings to go towards eventually being debt free. Also keep in mind that even though I averaged around 30% bonuses, the company I was at for the first 6 years grossly underpaid their staff. Typically, I was anywhere from 10-20% underpaid in the market.
Ultimately, the decision is yours. The balance of delayed gratification and simple living is up to you.
05: Ghosting
Ghosting
noun
ghost· ing | \ ˈgō-stiŋ \
1. the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone.
If you’re reading this and your current employment job title is Human Resources (HR), just know you have not been a human resource to me in this season. I actually have more beef with ya’ll than God right now. I thought the anxiety I had taking my Architecture Registration Exams (ARE) was the peak of my anxiety, but HR said hold my beer. The way my heart sinks each time my iPhone Gmail notification chimes is indescribable. On the other side of that chime is disappointment delivered in an AI scheduled written rejection through the middle of the night. I’m pretty sure there’s some PTSD attached to that chime now. I’ve applied to nearly 200 jobs in these last 5 months for context. Not all have been rejections. 3% has been a low offer or someone reaching out about a job I wasn’t interested in. But regarding the jobs I wanted, it’s been 100% denial or no response.
Reaching the point of apathetic numbness from the no’s resulted in a 2 month break from job applications, focusing on a certification program and studying for my exam. The relief of silence did a lot for my mental health. I came back with a new resume, new portfolio, new certifications, new Alexis, but the rejections poured. I began to question life and these 2 architecture degrees with all these transferable skills that no one wanted to bank on. Be happy they said. Be Happy I said. But I ain’t happy. There’s days I second guess turning town that job offer in Charlotte, NC that was $10-15k below market. A job is better than no job right? But deep down I knew I made the right decision. I wouldn’t have been happy making less money still pursuing architecture in a new city.
Instead, I sit here day 2 typing on my porch, trying to make sense of this season. I’m trying to stay positive like..real bad. But Truth is I’m tired. The Alexis I’m trying to get back to is somewhere deep down there. I have faith she’ll resurface again and life will get better. It’s got to. That’s the update. I’ll end this 2400+ word recap with a list of applicable modified phrases that bring me joy.
It’s only up from here…..is it?
If God don’t do it, it won’t get done….facts!
I ain’t got 2 pennies to rub together….period.
Rent ain’t due on the first no mo…..not mad at it.
Truth is I’m tired…….and is.
What more do you want from me?…..I have nothing left to give.
Pimp down! Pimp in distress!….DISTRESSS!!!
You aint no DIVAAAAA!…..and ain’t.
Acknowledgments:
Friends-who let you use their Adobe Creative Cloud account, share music suggestions, reply back quickly in group chat, all the answered facetimes and calls, and money sent.
Family-financial support and all the calls to check in. Much appreciated.
lunchboxthoughts 