Running through the block with my woes
Yea Drake said that’s winners over everything
But we kinda speed walking
Because life be life•ing
But my circle is legit
We applying for jobs
Making career shifts
Flourishing
Oh did I mention we getting jobs too?
Listen, yesterday’s price is not today’s price!
And the price is going all the way up!
Okay!!!?
So I applied for this job on January 1-Alpha
I wrote my 2 weeks notice letter January 31-Omega
But yo I got no offer yet-Dead
Whew chile my faith walking on a tight rope
Call me Janelle Monáe
Dressed in suit and tie
I’m funeral sharp, as I anticipate giving them notice on a great employee that ya lost
Yea you might win some, but you just lost one
Travel light they said
But I over packed per usual
Luggage full of anxiety, restlessness, and fear
Overcapacity when it hit the scale
That’s a $25 fee right there
Well today- Day 38
I get a reply back that I’m a final contender and should hear back soon
Ecstatic as I text my inner circle whose been blowing up my phone for follow up
Followed up with I’ll know when you know
And right now, all I know is that fear is suffocating me
Fear that I’ll have to text everyone back that I didn’t get the job
As they chant:
We were really rooting for you sis
Yea I know
Or the fear that I just might get it
Oh shit!
That’s honestly the scariest part
To get it
Then what?
Am I good enough?
Did I just win them on my personality?
And interview prep from close HR friends
Because let’s be real
My weaknesses are my weaknesses
But I’ve learned to sugarcoat them
Put a crown on that cavity
I call it royalty
But my strengths thoooooo
Them thangs top notch!
But to be confident in familiarity
I got you
I’m flooring the pedal
But to be confident in the unknown
I slowly let my foot of the gas
Looking for the next break, but I’m braking
I’m breaking inside
I sit here being the biggest cheerleader for my friends
But when it’s my turn, I turn into the opposing team
Why is it so hard to encourage yourself?
I can sometimes bench myself out of fear before even entering the game
This game of life is something else y’all
Prescribing advice to others, but left internally with expired affirmations
I look at that Insecure mirror and she says-“We got this Lex!”
I look back and say do we sis?
Do we really got this?
And sometimes it’s okay to not
Get it
But I’m hopeful
And I’m prayerful
You might win some
You might lose some
It’s all about perspective
But this one right here
This job right here
It’s mine
So this is the part where we pause the scene
Sis, I didn’t get the job
HR ghosted me like a dude from Hinge
I’m unhinged
Not me telling everybody about this job for me to NOT get this job
This is not how it was supposed to go sis
Embarrassed?
Bish humiliation has entered the freaking chat
I told my circle to keep me in their prayers
Somehow this inner circle leaped into Central Park
Now every time I turn around, there’s tickets of requests asking for follow ups
The meter is overdrawn
I have nothing left to give but unanswered questions of no answers while I too wait for answers
Shoulda kept this to myself
But I was so sure, that I was excited to tell others
Why Lord?
Why is your promise taking so long?
See sometimes that Blessing gotta marinate
Like overnight in the fridge
But I don’t want leftovers
I want take out
Take me out of this crap
Why is purpose so tough?
I did everything right
And I’m taking them Mayweather L’s
My pride ain’t cut out for this
Did I not just say my team is winning?
They about to cut me
Because I’m surely losing
But guess what?
Another opportunity came in like a 4th quarter buzzer beater
Baby I’m BACK!
But ya girl was sweating
Like sauna hot
But sometimes you gotta steam off those feelings of inadequacy
They have no place here
So allow me to reintroduce myself
It’s mine
This job right here
But this one right here
It’s all about perspective
You might lose some
You might win some
And I’m prayerful
But I’m hopeful
Get it
And sometimes it’s okay to not
lunchboxthoughts 